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Did you know that how we approach food in our home can have more of a long-term impact than what we serve in regards to helping our kids have a healthy relationship with food? Placing restrictions on food or beverage items increases the novelty or desire to have them. But it also teaches that guilt and shame should be felt if they are enjoyed. Sweets in general can be difficult to navigate in the home. Sugar provides a quick burst of energy and our brains actually like how sugar makes us feel. In turn, this makes us want more of it. But there are important reasons why you should offer your kids dessert with their meal.
I realize kids are consuming more added sugar than what is recommended on a daily basis. Some parents may restrict sweets in hopes to create healthy eating habits over time. In the end, this strategy can cause undesirable consequences. Placing a higher importance on sweets can cause children to crave them more, making healthy eating choices more difficult. Rather than using sweets as a way to bribe or punish your kid, consider incorporating them as part of their diet.
How much sugar should my child have?
Yes, kids consume plenty of added sugar on a daily basis. At times it can feel like their sugar obsession can get out of hand quickly. I’m not talking about sugar found naturally in food such as fruit and milk. What I’m referring to is added sugar. This is sugar that has been added to the food or beverage. Kids two years of age and younger should try to avoid added sugar. That doesn’t mean that if you serve cake on their first birthday they are doomed to become a sugar addict. I did the same with my kids. But it is recommended to avoid sugar as much as possible in the first two years of life.
Dietary Guidelines for Americans
The 2020-2025 Dietary Guidelines for Americans recommends kids over two years of age consume less than 10% of their calories per day from added sugar. For example, kids 2-3 years old require about 1,000-1,400 calories per day. While I don’t recommend tracking calories for your kids, this is helpful to have a general idea of how much sugar that equates to.
Let’s break this down for a child who needs about 1,200 calories per day.
1,200 calories per day x 10% of total calories = 120 calories per day from added sugar
There are 4 calories per gram of sugar
120 calories per day from added sugar/4 calories per gram of sugar = 30 grams of added sugar
30 grams sugar/ 4 grams sugar per teaspoon = 7.5 teaspoons of added sugar per day
So a child 2-3 years old who consumes 1,200 calories per day should consume less than 7.5 teaspoons or 30 grams of added sugar per day. Nutrition labels have a section labeled “total sugar” and “added sugar.” Look at the “added sugar” line to determine how many grams of added sugar that product contains per serving.
Why you should offer your kids desserts with their meal
I am a strong believer in teaching your kids that all foods fit in their diet. Yes, as moms we are aware that an apple is more nutritious than a brownie. But teaching our kids that they do not need to feel guilt or shame for consuming “bad” foods allows them the freedom to have a positive relationship with food and their body. Using phrases such as, “These foods give us good energy so we can play hard” for more nutrient-dense foods and, “These foods give us a quick burst of energy but can make us more tired later” for sugary items can be helpful. It avoids labeling foods as “good” or “bad” but gives the message that these can all be enjoyed.
The 80/20 Rule
The 80/20 rule states that 80% of your diet should come from nutrient-dense foods. The other 20% can come from foods with little nutritional value. This rule can ebb and flow during holidays or events when there may be more sweets but remains a good rule to go back to on normal days. Any time we place any type of food on a pedestal it immediately becomes a more desired item. When candy or other sweets become restricted it is teaching our kids that it is a “bad” food, which later in life can lead to guilt for consuming.
Building Trust with Food
When a child grows up in a home where they are not allowed desserts regularly or the item is considered highly coveted, then the child is much more likely to consume this item quickly or in excess when given the opportunity. This can also lead to sneaking or hiding food. A child who receives these items on a regular basis knows if they don’t finish their dessert right now they will have the opportunity to enjoy it again the next day.
This same concept holds true for adults. I have heard countless patients state that they won’t keep XYZ in their house because they will overeat on it. It’s because they have not been taught to trust themselves around food and these are “shameful” foods. Having these foods consistently available helps kids know there is no urgency to have it now or it is gone for a while.
I can attest to this personally as my own kids are offered dessert foods with their dinner. Some days my kids will eat all of the dessert and other days they may take a couple of bites and walk away. They know they will have an opportunity to enjoy it later if they don’t want it now, rather than feeling like it’s gone for good. They are learning to listen to their own body and recognize feelings of hunger and fullness.
Division of Responsibility
Feeding expert and registered dietitian, Ellyn Satter discusses how to navigate desserts in regard to her theory on the Division of Responsibility (sDOR). In the sDOR the parent’s role is to provide the what, when, and where of the meal. The child determines whether and how much they want to eat. But in regards to desserts, the parent decides how much dessert is offered. The reason for this is that oftentimes the dessert is a favorite part of the meal. If given the opportunity, kids likely would choose more of the desserts than consuming adequate amounts of other nutrient-dense foods.
Offering a child-size serving of dessert with the rest of the meal shows that all food is on the same playing field. Your child may choose to eat the sweet foods first, and that’s okay. We know that desserts are easier to consume than a bite of broccoli. However, making dessert part of a meal teaches them they don’t have to feel good or bad for eating a certain way. It encourages your child to eat the volume that feels right for their body.
This idea can also be effective during snack time. Offering a sweet treat with nutrient-dense foods allows them the opportunity to enjoy the sweet taste while also consuming important nutrients. For example, try offering chocolate chips with fresh strawberries and a glass of milk.
What if my kid doesn’t eat their supper when I offer dessert with their meal?
A common question I hear from parents is, “What if my child won’t eat their meal”. The famous phrase, “There’s always room for dessert” is true for kids too. Offering dessert with the meal supports intuitive eating. For example, when a child is allowed the chance to consume dessert with the main meal it allows them to eat based on hunger and fullness. Instead, they may eat a certain volume of food in order to please their parents. I have seen this with my almost three-year-old as she may take a bite of her brownie, eat some fruit, take another bite of her brownie, eat some chicken, and finish with a little bit more of her brownie.
However, when dessert is offered at the end of the meal she often rushes to eat her dinner in order to get the reward. This often ends in her not eating enough in anticipation and requesting more food within the hour. But there are times when dessert is served at the end of the meal, and that’s okay too. For example, some nights you may be offering ice cream or you’re at a guest’s house when dessert has to wait. Parents offering an appropriate portion size for desserts helps them to still feel hungry for other meal items. It also encourages intuitive eating.
Unlimited sweet foods
There are times when an unlimited amount of desserts should be allowed. This gives your child the opportunity to learn self-regulation. Refer to my post on Intuitive Eating for further guidance. These instances may be during special events or holidays. Or even just making treats at home as a family for fun.
Allow your child to enjoy unlimited chocolate chip cookies while they wait for the rest to finish in the oven. This can cause their little tummies to get a stomachache if they overeat. But it helps them to learn their body’s limits. This can feel uncomfortable for lots of parents. But it is an opportunity for your child to listen to their hunger and fullness cues. Remember, the other 364 days out of the year they are not consuming unlimited sweets.
If your family has previously chosen to restrict sugar within the home, consider slowly implementing sweets on the weekends rather than only on special occasions. Also, if your family uses sugar liberally, consider slowly cutting back to sugar being offered just with meals.
In summary
Sugar is a tricky topic to navigate. At the end of the day, it is the parent’s responsibility to model a positive relationship with food through actions and words. Allowing sweets regularly within the diet neutralizes the item so kids can recognize that all foods can fit. Decreased picky eating and a healthy relationship with food are both positive outcomes of why you should offer your kid dessert with their meal.
