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Have you recently discovered empty food wrappers in uncommon places such as in your child’s room, under your child’s pillow, or in their closet? Do you notice the snack drawer has been dwindling at an unusually fast rate? As a parent, it can feel very worrisome to find out your child is sneaking food or eating in secret. Your first instinct may be to correct the behavior. Because as parents, that’s what we feel is the right thing to do to solve the problem.
This may lead you to stop purchasing the foods they are sneaking. Maybe you start locking the cabinets or patroling the kitchen to catch them in the act.
While addressing the behavior may feel like the right thing to do, we must first address the real issue as to why your child is even hiding or eating in secret in the first place. The reality is that trying to place more restrictions on the specific foods they enjoy is likely going to perpetuate the problem and potentially cause more dishonesty.
Sneaking is normal as long as it’s not consistent
First off, it’s essential to know that sneaking food is normal child behavior. You may notice your little one trying to grab an extra cookie when you’re not looking. Rather than scolding your child and creating feelings of shame or embarrassment, let them know they can enjoy these foods without needing to sneak them. Ask your child if they want to enjoy a cookie with you (even if it’s not dessert time).
This shows them that these foods can be enjoyed without tight restrictions or guilt. Allowing your child to have the food they are trying to sneak decreases the novelty of the item. This makes it easier to have self-control in the long term.
Determine why your child is sneaking food
While sneaking food is normal child-like behavior, the problem lies when you notice it occurring regularly. Maybe you notice food hoarding in their room or trying to sneak into the kitchen to grab food when the “kitchen is closed”. As a parent, your first reaction may be frustration, worry, or anxiety over what is happening. Take a deep breath. This is a behavior that can be reversed when addressed promptly and in a loving manner.
The first thing to do is understand why your child is sneaking food.
-Are they not eating enough at meal times and seeking food because they are still hungry?
-Are you placing strict rules and rigidity around sweets?
-Does your child seem to be eating when they aren’t hungry (ex: boredom, emotion, habit)?
-Is there a scarcity of food in your home that makes them want to sneak or hoard food?
-Do you feel worried about your child’s food choices and make comments to them about what they are eating?
-Are desserts rarely offered in your house making them more of a novelty when available?
-Are you setting sweets out on a regular basis but not allowing your child to have them making it too tempting to resist?
This is not an all-inclusive list of possible reasons why your child is sneaking food. But it can help you consider the underlying reason why your child may be displaying this behavior. Being able to identify the root cause of the problem will help you better reverse the behavior.
How to approach the behavior
Catching your child in the act can be quite uncomfortable for both parties involved. If you are currently in a state of frustration or anger, wait to address the problem at a later time. It is best to have an honest conversation with your child when you are both in a good mood without charged emotions. The goal is not to have your child feel like they are being attacked or in trouble.
Approach the situation with compassion, not criticism or assumptions about why your child is sneaking food. You can start with, “I noticed some food wrappers in your room the other day when I was cleaning. I want you to know that you are not in trouble. Would you like to talk about this? I would love to find a way to help you enjoy this food without having to hide it.”.
Keep the conversation open-ended so they can express their thoughts. If your child has difficulty explaining their thoughts, you can help them by leading with questions such as, “Do you find yourself doing this when you’re bored/angry/sad?”, “Do you feel hungry still and need more food?”, “Do you feel like you aren’t allowed these foods and need to eat them privately?”. It’s okay to ask questions as long as they are non-judgmental.
When you discover the root cause as to why your child is sneaking food, be sure to comfort them and be empathetic. The most important thing you can do is help them feel like they are loved and can approach these conversations with you without feeling ashamed. This is uncomfortable for them and they likely have many emotions involved.
How to address reasons your child is sneaking food
Once you have identified the cause of sneaking food you can work with your child to come up with solutions that feel fair to both parties. Make sure your child knows that they don’t need to sneak food or eat in private. There is no shame in eating what sounds good to them. Here are some suggestions on how to handle various situations when your child is sneaking food.
Your child is still hungry after meals.
If you have a child who is a picky eater it can feel exhausting to find ways to help fill them up with enough food without becoming a short-order cook. New foods can be especially intimidating for some kids and they may choose to leave the table hungry. Rather than only making the foods they enjoy at every meal, try offering at least 1-2 safe foods. Safe foods aren’t necessarily their favorite food, but an item that they enjoy and will gladly eat at the table.
If you are serving a meal they aren’t especially crazy about, try offering a protein-rich safe food. Peanut butter or other nut butters are usually a preferred protein source that can be easily paired with a variety of foods. Protein will help satisfy their tummies a little longer. It’s always a great idea to offer various types of foods such as carbohydrates, protein, and fiber-rich sources at meals.
Your child feels like there are strict rules around food and certain foods are forbidden
First off, help your child understand that no foods should be forbidden and that all foods can be enjoyed. If your child has felt restricted or ashamed for choosing sweets or other foods this is more than likely encouraging the behavior of eating in secret and hoarding food. Acknowledge that maybe you have been too strict with certain foods. Let them know together you can find ways to help lessen the restrictions.
Feeling deprived of food is a strong motivator that drives the behavior of hoarding food.
Remind your child of the concept of the division of responsibility that you as the parent still determine what they eat, when, and where. Their role is to decide whether they are going to eat it and how much. However, if you have been limiting sweet things or other foods that they are sneaking, consider incorporating them more frequently. This may include putting a piece of dessert in their lunchbox a couple of times throughout the week or enjoying a bowl of ice cream before bed occasionally.
This doesn’t mean that you always have to grant your child permission to the food they want, but you can tell them, “Not right now, but let’s enjoy it together later.”. Showing your child they can be offered without shame will help them feel more at peace knowing they can enjoy them again soon and they don’t have to be eaten in secret.
Your child is going through a growth spurt and needs more food
It’s important to remember that kids are constantly growing. Sometimes they gain weight before they grow in height, and vice versa. But during these times of growth, they are understandably going to have a more robust appetite. While they may be eating more food than normal, allow them to eat what feels right for them.
Trying to restrict them during this time of increased hunger can create feelings of shame for eating a larger volume of food and make them question if it’s okay to honor their hunger. It is also during these times of growth or puberty that kids are increasingly self-conscious about their body image and they don’t need additional remarks to create negative emotions about how much they are eating.
Provide regular meals
To ensure that your child is not overly hungry, provide routine meals. Offering 3 meals and 1-2 snacks per day helps your child know that food is available and they won’t feel starved between meals. The absence of hunger can help decrease the need to seek food outside of meal times.
Make foods visible
Maybe you have a tendency to hide certain snacks or sweets because you are worried about your child overconsuming them. Or maybe you have a poor relationship with these items as well and feel guilty for offering them. However, hiding foods sends your child the message that these are foods they should feel guilty for consuming and can create charged emotions
One thing you can do if your child is sneaking food is to create more access to the items they are eating in secret. Foods that are kept hidden can create a sense of food insecurity and deprivation. Allow the food to be visible on the counters or where they can see it in the pantry to help dissipate these feelings.
If you choose to make items such as sweet treats visible more often, you can still set boundaries around them if you worry they are getting abused. For example, include these items more frequently such as in their lunchboxes or for dessert after supper. Allowing your child increased access to these items will also help decrease the novelty and secretive eating.
Provide a safe space to eat
Are meal times stressful? Does there tend to be a lot of arguing at the table between family members? If so, your child may also feel too anxious to eat well at meal times and leave the table hungry. Because they associate stress with the dinner table, this can lead to secret eating as well. Consider if there are changes that can be made at meal times to create a calm environment.
If arguments are linked to picky eater behaviors, grab my picky eating guide to help you navigate this tricky area. You can also learn more about the division of responsibility in feeding here to help you better understand the roles of parent and child in feeding.
Do you suspect your child has an eating disorder?
Unfortunately, sometimes there is a bigger issue going on and your child may be struggling with an eating disorder or binge eating. If you suspect that may be the case, it is wise to seek professional help from a registered dietitian and pediatrician. A child psychologist can also play a vital role in processing these thoughts and emotions. Problem-solving conversations with medical professionals with an outside perspective can help your child better navigate how to have a healthy relationship with food.
In Summary
It’s important to know that it is normal if your child is sneaking food on occasion. However, recurrent episodes of secretive eating should be addressed in a loving and compassionate manner. These behaviors can be reversed and there are steps you can take to help your child have a positive relationship with food.
