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Feeding kids happens several times a day and can be stressful for both parents and kids. As parents, we work hard to raise good eaters, but it doesn’t always turn out how we anticipate. We hope that in the future they will choose veggies over dessert at most meals, but in the present, we struggle to find ways to get them to even lick broccoli. Thankfully the Division of Responsibility was created as a guide to decrease mealtime stress and become your secret weapon for picky eaters. Creating an eating environment that encourages kids at various stages of development to make decisions around food while supporting parents’ roles and responsibilities will set your family up for success and encourage competent eaters.
Division of Responsibility
The Satter Division or Responsibility (sDOR) is an evidence-based approach to feeding to that provides guidelines to equip and empower parents and kids around mealtimes. It helps kids to develop trust around food and learn to recognize their own hunger and fullness cues. This method was developed by a registered dietitian and feeding expert Ellyn Satter and has been proven to be a highly effective system to bring peace to meal times.
If you are fed up with your child’s picky eating behaviors, being a short-order cook, or feeling stressed and exhausted around meal times, then this method is for you. I have been personally using this feeding approach since my first child was born 8 years ago. Along with educating other parents since my career began over a decade ago I can attest to the success of many.
Feeding Styles
A common problem often lies where you were raised with one specific feeding style but your spouse was raised with another. Plus, you take bits of feeding advice from friends and media that in the chaos of trying to get your kid to eat the darn food, you mesh the feeding styles together to hopefully get them to eat some of their meal. While this may work in the short term, it is not an effective long-term approach to help your child have peace with food.
The way you model your eating habits and your relationship with food can also determine how your child feels about food. Commenting about diets and “good foods” vs “bad foods” teaches your child that in order to be healthy, the way they eat must look a very specific way or it’s shameful. Some of your child’s eating tendencies are learned. So your job is to model what a healthy relationship with food looks like. This same theory holds true with body acceptance. If you are constantly making remarks that you are unhappy with your weight or your child’s weight, you are teaching your child to only be comfortable in their skin if they look a specific way. Allow your child to have the body that is right for them.
Concept of sDOR
Being able to recognize that your child has the capabilities to make appropriate decisions around food allows us to create an environment to promote a positive relationship with food.
Ellyn Satter teaches in her well-known book “Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family” the simple concept of the sDOR:
- Parents are responsible for choosing what, when, and where they are going to eat.
- The child’s job is to determine whether and how much they are going to eat.
This takes a lot of pressure off the parents as it is not their sole job to make the meal and ensure their child eats it. The parent takes ownership of the what, when, and where leaving the responsibility of whether and how much to eat to the kids.
Is this feeding method recommended by others?
Yes! The sDOR has been highly researched and is recommended by organizations such as:
- The American Academy of Pediatrics
- WIC: the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children
- The Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics
- Head Start
- USDA Food and Nutrition Service
The Ellyn Satter Institute breaks down the specific roles as your child grows.
sDOR in Infants:
Infants ultimately rule the feeding schedule at this point. Most of infant feeding is dependent on the baby and when they are ready to eat and when they’re content. Some infants are regular in their routine while others may not be. But infants have a natural ability to practice intuitive eating.
Parent’s roles:
- Determine if you will breastfeed or formula-feed
- Provide a calm environment for feeding
- Be observant of their feeding and rest times
- Monitor natural hunger cues to help determine when your infant is ready to eat and when they are content
Infant’s role:
- They decide how much they want to eat, how quickly they want to eat, and the frequency of meals
sDOR in transitioning to solid foods:
There is no specific timeline on when your child is ready to begin solid foods as each child develops at their own pace. Some little ones are ready to transition to solid foods earlier than others. Typically around 8-18 months of age, your little one will be ready to enjoy the same foods at family meals.
Parent’s roles:
- Decide what they are going to eat
- You will also begin transitioning to when and where they will eat
Toddler’s role:
- Your child is always responsible for whether and how much they will eat
sDOR in Toddlers through Adolescents:
The roles throughout this time span remain the same.
Parent’s roles:
- Determine what, when, and where they will eat
Kid’s role:
- Decide how much and whether they will eat
Tips for implementing sDOR:
Set eating times
Establishing structured meals and sit-down snacks is crucial in helping your child be successful. When meal planning, take into consideration what foods your family enjoys while being mindful to avoid being a short-order cook. There are many benefits to sitting down at dinner time as a whole family. Studies show that kids who have family meal times eat better, feel better about themselves, and get along better with others. Kids are more likely to do well in school and achieve a body weight that is right for them. Studies also show eating as a family decreases their chances of abusing drugs, smoking, or having sex. Having sit-down meals as a family takes intentionality, but it is so worth it!
Make meals inviting
Work on making eating times enjoyable. Your child trusts you and feels more confident in eating when you are present. If you don’t show an interest in eating with your child, eventually they will lose interest in eating as well. Create enjoyable conversation at the table while being mindful to avoid trying to get your child to eat another bite of food or consume less.
Avoid grazing
Avoid letting your child graze between meals. Children who graze tend to poorly regulate food. They show up to the meal with a poor appetite because they have been snacking constantly in between. It is best practice to establish set meal and snack times to promote a healthy appetite for meals.
If your child is commenting that they are hungry in between meals and snacks then consider how they ate at the previous meals and snacks. If they ate well and are stating they are hungry out of boredom or attention seeking, simply let them know that the next meal or snack will be coming shortly. At this time you may redirect them to another activity to help pass the time. But if your child is truly hungry, you may want to consider adding a small appetizer to help them bridge the gap between their next meal. You can learn more about healthy habits around snacking here.
Offer variety
While it’s tempting to serve only the foods your child enjoys, be vigilant to still offer a variety of foods at meals. This helps ensure a balanced diet (even if they don’t eat all the foods) and provides continued exposure to new items. Allowing new foods on their plates also helps them to become more comfortable around the item and may be willing to try it at a future time.
Serve family-style
Rather than plating your child’s food for them, ask them if they would like a scoop of pineapple or potatoes. Allow them the opportunity to serve themselves once they are old enough. They may not choose all the items you prepared but remember they are responsible for how much and whether they will eat it.
What if my child doesn’t want to eat the foods I serve?
Not every meal will be a fan favorite for the whole family. This is often where moms fall into the habit of being short-order cooks for fear that their child will leave the table hungry. Consider their day as a whole and evaluate if they ate other substantial foods throughout the day. Providing safe foods along with the meal can help avoid mealtime battles. Safe foods are items that you know they will enjoy. For example, these may be items such as cottage cheese, yogurt, bread and peanut butter, fruit, etc. This helps them to avoid approaching the table feeling overwhelmed at all the intimidating foods but can rest assured they will have something to fill their tummies. Remember, it is the child’s role to determine whether and how much they will eat. Over time they will open up to different foods as they become more comfortable with them.
Download my Free Ultimate Picky Eating Guide to discover more ways to help your child learn to like new things.
What if my child only eats one food group?
This is not uncommon as kids like to gravitate toward foods they are comfortable eating. Many kids prefer carbs over proteins and that’s okay. Remember to evaluate your child’s week as a whole. Most likely your child isn’t only eating bread at every meal and snack. They did in fact enjoy some protein, fruit, vegetables, and dairy throughout their week. Recommendations for kid’s nutritional needs are put in place as a guide for parents. But keep in mind that a majority of kids don’t eat that way. Our goal as parents is to provide nutritious foods we feel comfortable serving. In the end, the child determines how much and whether they eat it. Over time they will become more accepting of different flavors and smells.
Even after your child learns to enjoy a variety of foods they may be inconsistent in their eating. We are the same as adults. There are days when we crave more fruit and other days we desire more breads and starchy items. It all balances itself out in the end.
What if my child is at an unhealthy weight?
Most parents assume that if their child is trending at the 50th percentile for weight then they are considered healthy. However, each child is different and has their own growth trend. Whether your child is above the 85th-95th percentile for weight or below the 5th percentile, the main goal is that they are trending consistently. If your child was at the 75th percentile for weight and suddenly dropped to the 3rd percentile, that would be alarming. Regardless of how your child moves along on the growth charts, putting your child on a diet is still not the answer. First off, evaluate if you are assuming your roles in the division of responsibility. Have you been trying to cut back on their portion sizes or choosing “diet” foods in order to help with their weight? If so, go back to your roles as parent and child. You can read more about why your child shouldn’t diet here.
Your child may choose to eat a little more at first if they had been restricted. Eventually, they will slow their eating back down when they have regained their sense of trust. Every body is created differently, and for some, that means being heavier or thinner than others. Problems arise when the parents try to gain control of their diet too closely. This can lead to more weight gain, hiding food, and risk of eating disorders.
Is it too late to start this?
Absolutely not. It’s never too late to start this feeding approach, even if you have older children. As with any change, it can be an adjustment at first. You may find at first your child takes a long vacation from some of the foods that were once forced or strongly encouraged. For example, if your child always had to eat their vegetables before being excused, but is no longer required to eat them, then likely they won’t eat them at first. Sometimes it can take kids several months before they go back to eating these avoided foods. If your child’s eating habits don’t begin to improve after several weeks, you may need to evaluate whether you are following Ellyn Satter’s DOR correctly. The Ellyn Satter Institute website is an excellent resource for further guidance on these issues.
Ready to jump in? As with any new system, there comes a learning curve. It may feel uncomfortable and unnatural at first, but the long-term results make it all worth it. Everyone wins in the end when peace is brought back to the table.
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