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As a parent, it can be quite challenging when your little one turns into a picky eater, refusing their dinner even when you’ve spent hours making it. You’re left wondering why your child exhibits this kind of food refusal and how you can encourage them to eat. As someone who’s navigated these murky waters, I can share the top 10 reasons why kids won’t eat dinner, and some helpful tips to address them.
Food Refusal is Normal
It can feel so frustrating to make a meal only for your child to push away their plate, however, it is completely normal. Picky eating is a common behavior among children that typically emerges between the ages of 2 and 4 years old. During this stage, children may begin to refuse to try new foods, push away familiar foods that are presented differently, and show a strong preference for certain foods.
In desperation, we go to all lengths to get our kids to eat. Mostly out of frustration for making a meal that they now won’t eat, but also out of fear that they will only fill up on “junk food” and miss out on important nutrients. We begin turning to techniques such as bribing, force-feeding, sneaking food, and punishing to get them to eat. Or you find yourself being a short-order cook making separate meals to ensure they get enough to eat.
However, there is a much simpler method that can significantly improve both your child’s picky eating tendencies along with their relationship with food.
Division of Responsibility
The Division of Responsibility is a highly researched and effective feeding method that was developed by registered dietitian, Ellyn Satter. It is designed to both equip and empower parents and kids. Children can grow into competent eaters and better identify hunger and fullness cues when responsibilities in feeding are divided between the parents and kids.
Parent’s role:
- determine what the family will eat
- decide when the family will eat
- choose where the family will eat
Child’s role:
- decide how much they want to eat
- choose whether they want to eat what is offered
A majority of selective eating behavior can be resolved by adopting the division of responsibility. However, there are still a variety of reasons that your little one may be refusing their supper. Let’s take a look!
Portions are Too Big
Here’s something to consider: Young children aren’t mini-adults, and their stomachs aren’t as big as ours either. Which also means your child’s appetite is not as big as yours. Serving up a plate of food with big portions that look like a mountain to them can be intimidating, and might just be the reason behind their reason for refusing dinner.
A simple yet effective solution? Small portions. Start by offering smaller portion sizes of a variety of foods on your child’s plate. This way, they won’t feel overwhelmed by the sight of too much food in front of them, reducing their anxiety and making family meals more enjoyable. Plus, if they’re still hungry, they can always ask for more. Not only does serving less food help minimize food waste, but it also gives your little ones a sense of control over their food intake and fosters healthy eating habits from a young age. After all, it’s better to have them ask for seconds than to push them to finish a heaping plate they can’t manage.
Desire for Autonomy
Who doesn’t love a bit of independence? For kids, this desire extends beyond choosing their clothes or playtime activities; it also encompasses meal times. Just like adults, kids appreciate having a say in what they eat. So, try giving your little ones some freedom during dinner time. Perhaps they can choose their favorite foods from a variety of options presented to them. Or maybe they’d enjoy participating in meal prep, taking pride in eating a dinner they helped to create.
Through this, you’re not only making meal times more enticing but also nurturing their decision-making skills and promoting healthier food choices. It’s a win-win situation: they’ll look forward to dinner, and you’ll breathe a sigh of relief as refusing dinner takes a backseat.
They’re Tired
Isn’t it amusing how your little ones, who were brimming with energy just a moment ago, suddenly become too exhausted to eat? Kids are constantly on the move with their thoughts going a mile a minute. Not to mention after a full day at daycare or school, they are overstimulated, and all the emotions and tiredness peak when it’s time to sit down for supper. Fatigue can make even the most enthusiastic foodie turn down their favorite dish.
If your dinner time coincides with their peak tiredness, you might have found the underlying cause of their food refusal. Here’s what you can do: consider adjusting your dinner schedule a little bit earlier to beat their sleepiness, or if possible, allot a brief rest period before meal time to refresh them. An easy trick is to incorporate a ‘quiet time’ just before dinner. You can read a book together, or let them play with a non-stimulating toy. This way, they can rest, recharge, and then head to the dinner table with renewed energy. Remember, just as we adults can’t focus on eating when we’re bone-tired, our young ones can’t either. Tweak the schedule a bit, and see how it works for your family.
Sensory Sensitivities
Do certain textures or colors of food make your child wrinkle their nose? You’re not alone. Sensory problems can be a significant factor as to why your child is refusing dinner. Children with sensory issues may react negatively to foods that appear ‘strange’ or feel ‘weird’ in their mouths.
But worry not, there are ways to navigate this. One approach is introducing new foods in small doses, and combining them with their favorite meals. This fusion of familiar and unfamiliar can help them become more open to trying new things. Plus, who doesn’t love food that’s as fun to look at as it is to eat? Arranging food in playful, appealing ways can spark their curiosity and coax them into giving it a try. Don’t be discouraged if your child still refuses certain foods. You can also grab my free picky eating guide for more tips on helping your little one try new foods.
Too Much Milk or Juice
Is your child a fan of milk and juice? While these beverages offer valuable nutrients, they can also be culprits behind why your child is refusing dinner. Milk contains fat and protein, which are filling nutrients. Children have small stomachs and filling them up with too much milk or juice can decrease their hunger and their interest in trying solid foods. This can be especially challenging around dinner time.
Here’s a pro tip: limit the quantity of these beverages your little ones consume throughout the day. Toddlers and children only need 2 cups of milk per day. Offer 1/2 cup with meals and before bed to prevent filling up only on milk. Instead, encourage them to hydrate with water between meals, which is not only essential for their health but also won’t interfere with their appetite. Because juice is high in sugar it should be limited to 1/2 cup per day and be watered down.
Grazing on Snacks
We all know how much little kids love snack time. It’s that magical period where they get to munch on their favorite foods. But here’s the catch: too much snacking can tamper with their appetite and lead to refusing dinner.
What’s the solution? A balanced and consistent snack schedule can help. Offer age-appropriate portions of snacks at fixed times during the day. This helps control their hunger and keeps them in tune with meal times. When choosing snacks, aim for a protein plus a carb to help fill them up. These not only keep them satiated but also provide vital nutrients needed for their growth and development. The important thing is not to eliminate snack time, but to manage it effectively, so it complements rather than competes with their regular meal. After all, it’s about nurturing a healthy relationship with food, not waging a war against snacks.
Fear of New Foods
Fear of trying new foods is a common trait among picky eaters, and it can significantly contribute to food refusal. The unfamiliarity associated with new foods, be it their appearance, texture, or taste, can cause anxiety in your little ones, deterring them from experimenting with their meals. While a new food may not seem that overwhelming to us adults, it can be a big deal for a picky toddler. So, how can you help your child overcome this fear? Small changes can work wonders.
Consider slowly introducing new foods by altering their appearance and texture, or even serving a different version of a familiar food. You can grate a carrot instead of serving it in chunks or introduce a new type of pasta shaped differently from their usual favorite. This approach not only preserves some familiarity but also gently nudges them to step out of their comfort zone.
Try to maintain an atmosphere of patience and positivity as your child navigates these new food adventures. Remember, it’s about making meal times an explorative and enjoyable experience, helping your child grow into a confident eater. With these small changes, your child’s food refusal may slowly become a thing of the past.
They’re Distracted
Does your dinner table often look like a miniature playground with toys and gadgets strewn around? You might just have discovered another reason why your little one is refusing dinner. Distractions can shift their focus away from eating, leading to unfinished meals and frustrated parents. The television, their favorite toy, or even a beloved pet can draw their attention away from their plate.
What’s the remedy? Try to create a distraction-free zone at meal times. This means turning off the TV, keeping toys away from the table, and ensuring a calm and quiet atmosphere to encourage focus on the task at hand – eating dinner. Think of it as a family ritual where everyone gathers to enjoy a meal together without the interruption of screens or toys. This simple change could be the nudge your child needs to concentrate on their food and reduce food refusal. It’s all about encouraging good dining habits, and sometimes, that starts with a clutter-free dinner table.
Mealtime Stress
If dinner time often feels like a tug of war with your child, you may be dealing with mealtime stress, a common factor in refusing dinner. The tension and pressure associated with mealtimes can turn your child off their food, making dinner time a battlefield rather than a pleasant family ritual.
Here’s the good news though: you can make meal times a more enjoyable experience for everyone at the table. Start by creating a calm, relaxed environment during meals. This could mean lightening up the conversation, talking about their day, or sharing some funny anecdotes.
It’s important to note that while it’s crucial to encourage your little ones to eat, avoid turning it into a negotiation or a power struggle. Putting too much pressure on them to finish their food can often have the opposite effect. So, keep it light, keep it fun, and remember, it’s not just about the food, but also about creating family memories around the dinner table. With a little patience and a lot of love, your family dinner can become stress-free and enjoyable, and the food refusal will likely subside.
Lack of Safe Foods
Does your little one gravitate towards the same foods and shy away from others? This is quite common among picky eaters, and these familiar, preferred items are often termed ‘safe foods’. A lack of such safe foods at meal times can contribute to food refusal. Why? Because, for a hungry kid, not seeing a familiar or favored item on the plate can create unease, making them less likely to engage with the meal in front of them.
Make a point to include at least one or two safe foods at each meal. This not only reassures your child but also decreases mealtime anxiety. It’s like offering them a safety net, encouraging them to explore different foods while knowing they can always fall back on their favorites. It’s crucial to remember that while it’s beneficial to keep these safe foods in the rotation, continue to introduce new foods to expand their palate. Balancing their comfort zone with new food experiences will help make the dinner table a less daunting place for your child.
In Summary
Understanding your child’s food refusal at dinner time can be a challenging yet insightful journey. Whether it’s a large portion size, a need for autonomy, or tiredness, identifying the root cause is the first step to addressing it. Sensory sensitivities, excessive intake of milk or juice, and over-snacking can also contribute to dinner-time challenges. Fear of trying new foods, distractions, and mealtime stress play significant roles as well. Lastly, not including their safe foods in the meal can result in your child pushing the plate away.
Implementing small changes such as serving smaller portions, introducing new foods gently, and creating a distraction-free zone can make a big difference. By turning meal times into a stress-free, enjoyable experience and balancing their comfort with new food adventures, you’re likely to see an improvement in your child’s eating habits. Remember, the key to overcoming your little one refusing dinner is patience and understanding
